3.29.2009
3.12.2009
Teachable Moments
I know that often in life God uses situations to teach us things. But I also know that sometimes I'm not the most teachable person ever. I feel like God is really trying to get through to me with this whole having a baby before Derek leaves thing, but I just don't know that I'm in a teachable state of mind. I hope that I am though.
Today I had my 37 week check up. Praise God, i made it to full term. Wesley's lungs should be fully developed by now and really he's just hanging out in there to get stronger and more perfect before he comes to meet us. I can already tell he's a strong, energetic boy and I love to feel and see him kick. This morning he kicked my midwife a lot and she'd just laugh and poke him back every time he did. His favorite place to make himself known is right below my right ribs, I constantly feel his little foot jabbing and poking there and love it! Joanne predicted that at term Wesley will be in the mid seven pound range. I know that that's just a pure guess on her part, so we'll see how accurate it is, but so many people have asked me about it I wanted to at least get an answer for them. Anyhow, the main thing I went for was to check my progression, and sadly I report that I still have not dilated nor am I effaced at all. As soon as I was told that I had to hold back the tears because I was just so hoping that I would at least have a little progression, but nothing yet.
After I left the office I cried, a lot. I went to Walmart and talked to my mom in the parking lot and cried for a while. Then on my way home I realized something. After my prayer of "Okay God, what's going on? Am I not saying the right words? Am I not saying exactly what you want to hear?!" I realized that all my talk of trust has been a bunch of bull. I realized that everything that I'm saying isn't trust, it's pure attempts at manipulation. Somehow I think I've convinced myself in my mind that there is a magic word/phrase and once I say it God will answer my prayers, things will be exactly what I want them to be. Thus far in my life I've been pretty good at figuring out the magic words because I've gotten out of a lot of close calls, and the majority of my prayers have been answered precisely how I intended all along. But here, in one of the most crucial times I feel like I just can't figure it out! It's not trust, it's not whatever You want, it's not Your will not mine. I want to know that I cannot MANIPULATE God, He's God and He is the end all to my prayers. but I just don't think that I've figured it out yet! I feel that somehow maybe even the words I'm writing now are me trying to let God see Hey, I learned my lesson, now get this baby out! There is a huge part of me that is slowly realizing the potential of having our child without Derek here, and that part is breaking my heart. But maybe that's what God intends. Maybe he wants me to PROVE my trust in Him. Maybe He's calling my bluff and showing me that my words don't affect His sovereignty.
God in all of this, no matter how my heart breaks, I WILL NOT doubt Your goodness. I may not trust you the way I say that I do. I may say words that I feel make me look like a better Christian even if I don't truly mean them in my heart, but I will NEVER doubt your goodness.
Today I had my 37 week check up. Praise God, i made it to full term. Wesley's lungs should be fully developed by now and really he's just hanging out in there to get stronger and more perfect before he comes to meet us. I can already tell he's a strong, energetic boy and I love to feel and see him kick. This morning he kicked my midwife a lot and she'd just laugh and poke him back every time he did. His favorite place to make himself known is right below my right ribs, I constantly feel his little foot jabbing and poking there and love it! Joanne predicted that at term Wesley will be in the mid seven pound range. I know that that's just a pure guess on her part, so we'll see how accurate it is, but so many people have asked me about it I wanted to at least get an answer for them. Anyhow, the main thing I went for was to check my progression, and sadly I report that I still have not dilated nor am I effaced at all. As soon as I was told that I had to hold back the tears because I was just so hoping that I would at least have a little progression, but nothing yet.
After I left the office I cried, a lot. I went to Walmart and talked to my mom in the parking lot and cried for a while. Then on my way home I realized something. After my prayer of "Okay God, what's going on? Am I not saying the right words? Am I not saying exactly what you want to hear?!" I realized that all my talk of trust has been a bunch of bull. I realized that everything that I'm saying isn't trust, it's pure attempts at manipulation. Somehow I think I've convinced myself in my mind that there is a magic word/phrase and once I say it God will answer my prayers, things will be exactly what I want them to be. Thus far in my life I've been pretty good at figuring out the magic words because I've gotten out of a lot of close calls, and the majority of my prayers have been answered precisely how I intended all along. But here, in one of the most crucial times I feel like I just can't figure it out! It's not trust, it's not whatever You want, it's not Your will not mine. I want to know that I cannot MANIPULATE God, He's God and He is the end all to my prayers. but I just don't think that I've figured it out yet! I feel that somehow maybe even the words I'm writing now are me trying to let God see Hey, I learned my lesson, now get this baby out! There is a huge part of me that is slowly realizing the potential of having our child without Derek here, and that part is breaking my heart. But maybe that's what God intends. Maybe he wants me to PROVE my trust in Him. Maybe He's calling my bluff and showing me that my words don't affect His sovereignty.
God in all of this, no matter how my heart breaks, I WILL NOT doubt Your goodness. I may not trust you the way I say that I do. I may say words that I feel make me look like a better Christian even if I don't truly mean them in my heart, but I will NEVER doubt your goodness.
3.10.2009
The most excited I've been all day!!
I just got an email from Derek's dad with much anticipated pictures of the cradle that Uncle Mike made for his great nephew! :) Uncle Mike is not just Derek's uncle but his godfather as well, and a very important part of family life! He's such a fun, loving guy and would do ANYTHING for any one of his nieces or nephews, and this happens to be one of the things he's done for all who have had or are having children thus far.
Derek's parents are coming to visit the week of Easter and will figure out some way of loading this and bringing it with them and I have to say I absolutely cannot WAIT to get it and to see Wesley in it! :)
Here is Chandler in his cradle! :)
Derek's parents are coming to visit the week of Easter and will figure out some way of loading this and bringing it with them and I have to say I absolutely cannot WAIT to get it and to see Wesley in it! :)
Here is Chandler in his cradle! :)
The baby shower update (promises to be a long one! :))
Okay, my camera cord has been silly for a while now but now that Derek and I got a new computer it has a card reader, so I've been able to finally download pictures! :)
So, here's a picture post of my 3 showers!
Sunday, Feb. 8 the ladies at my church threw a double shower for me and my friend Melodie. Melody had her little girl Grace Lynn about a week ago.
A close up of my adorable cake! (And yes, it turns the mouth horribly blue!)
My mom and dad drove down so she could be at my first shower! :)
Some of the gifts ready to be opened
And the table setup
And now, Saturday Feb. 21 the ladies back in Moncks Corner threw me a beautiful shower!
Ms. Cindy and me. She headed up the whole thing! I LOVE her!
Derek and I with the gifts just before we loaded them up
And since several of the past posts have contained pictures from that particular shower, that's all I'll post on this one.
And for the final shower, thrown by my bible study and some of the boat ladies on Feb. 26th.
Me preshower, it was time for a new belly picture!
The cake that Pam made! She did an AMAZING job! I still can't get over it Pam, thank you so much!
The medicinal diaper cake. I LOVE the little elephant on top! And the "homemade" burpcloths (cloth diapers with pretty fabric sewn on, by Pam again) as the cake topper!
And my fat feet...ugh!
There are other pictures I could share, but I think that's all for today! :)
So, here's a picture post of my 3 showers!
Sunday, Feb. 8 the ladies at my church threw a double shower for me and my friend Melodie. Melody had her little girl Grace Lynn about a week ago.
A close up of my adorable cake! (And yes, it turns the mouth horribly blue!)
My mom and dad drove down so she could be at my first shower! :)
Some of the gifts ready to be opened
And the table setup
And now, Saturday Feb. 21 the ladies back in Moncks Corner threw me a beautiful shower!
Ms. Cindy and me. She headed up the whole thing! I LOVE her!
Derek and I with the gifts just before we loaded them up
And since several of the past posts have contained pictures from that particular shower, that's all I'll post on this one.
And for the final shower, thrown by my bible study and some of the boat ladies on Feb. 26th.
Me preshower, it was time for a new belly picture!
The cake that Pam made! She did an AMAZING job! I still can't get over it Pam, thank you so much!
The medicinal diaper cake. I LOVE the little elephant on top! And the "homemade" burpcloths (cloth diapers with pretty fabric sewn on, by Pam again) as the cake topper!
And my fat feet...ugh!
There are other pictures I could share, but I think that's all for today! :)
3.09.2009
The many facials of a Moss sister
Today I was looking at my pictures from baby showers and such and I realized that Rita and I have some of the most HORRIBLE facial expressions! Unfortunately some of the pictures are not necessarily great ones of others in it, so let me go ahead and apologize...this is meant to embarass no one, well, except maybe Rita! :)
The progression (sorry Erin!)
laughter...and lots of it...
the terrible cheese
and I'm not even sure what this is!
The dirty
I think she was trying to pooch her belly out...it doesn't look like she intended!
The sarcastic
I think she was saying "Now Mendy!"
Hungry
I think Amy fits in the family well!! lol
fake smiles all around!
Stare
watching me open her gift
and my personal favorite
Duh face
And now because I promised that I would post pics of myself and not ONLY Rita:
dumb smile
pure excitement!
you said what?!
"aww how cute"
oh man, cry face...these are good
laughing in spite of my tears
"aww..." again
"no Hannah, not a car seat"
happy to say the least
exhausted...leave me alone
And this is where we apparently get it from!! What can I say, we're a very expressive family!
My daughter's having a WHAT?! :)
Also, I'm too excited! Melissa, the girl that got dumped on the bachelor last week is now on Dancing With the Stars! I'm stoked about that...and she's really pretty good!! Woohoo!
The progression (sorry Erin!)
laughter...and lots of it...
the terrible cheese
and I'm not even sure what this is!
The dirty
I think she was trying to pooch her belly out...it doesn't look like she intended!
The sarcastic
I think she was saying "Now Mendy!"
Hungry
I think Amy fits in the family well!! lol
fake smiles all around!
Stare
watching me open her gift
and my personal favorite
Duh face
And now because I promised that I would post pics of myself and not ONLY Rita:
dumb smile
pure excitement!
you said what?!
"aww how cute"
oh man, cry face...these are good
laughing in spite of my tears
"aww..." again
"no Hannah, not a car seat"
happy to say the least
exhausted...leave me alone
And this is where we apparently get it from!! What can I say, we're a very expressive family!
My daughter's having a WHAT?! :)
Also, I'm too excited! Melissa, the girl that got dumped on the bachelor last week is now on Dancing With the Stars! I'm stoked about that...and she's really pretty good!! Woohoo!
3.04.2009
Family Traditions
My sister and I were discussing prediction dates for when Wesley will come, and I didn't realize that March 13th comes on a Friday! Apparently in our family we have a generational tradition of having one baby born on Friday the 13th. My mom was born on Friday, January 13, 19**, Rita was born Friday, November 13, 1981, and now, Rita's prediction is that Wesley will be born Friday, March 13, 2009. I was originally thinking the 11th would be good, but who can argue with Rita?
Rita: What's the weather look like on Friday the 13th?
Mendy: rain
Rita: rainy with a 100% chance of BABY!?
Mendy: lol
Mendy: says nothing about baby
Rita: It doesn't have to
Rita: That baby knows what's up
So there is my sister's prediction...personally I hope she's right, not neccesarily for traditions sake, but for "get him out of there!" sake! :)
Rita: What's the weather look like on Friday the 13th?
Mendy: rain
Rita: rainy with a 100% chance of BABY!?
Mendy: lol
Mendy: says nothing about baby
Rita: It doesn't have to
Rita: That baby knows what's up
So there is my sister's prediction...personally I hope she's right, not neccesarily for traditions sake, but for "get him out of there!" sake! :)
3.02.2009
Under one month!
My sister and I both created countdowns for our google homepages to keep people posted on how much longer we had till our due dates. Well, today, instead of months and days my countdown officially reads "30 days"! While I hope with everything in me that I don't go to April 1st, it's insane to see it so officially written on my homepage every time I look! Oh man Wesley, I'm so ready for you to get here little man!!
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